Psychology of a Bully

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This post has been really complete because I was not sure how to sum it up. I have decided that I want to use this post to describe my impression of a bullying situation.

I love it when I get a chance to experience different situations because it helps me to better understand the world. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I went to a Pearl Jam concert a few weeks ago and I experienced some interesting things besides the concert.

I am not a fighter what-so-ever, but I will defend myself if need be (though without experience in fighting I may not fare well). Whenever I enter general admission (GA) at a concert I realize there may be some confrontation if I wish to protect me and my wife from idiots shoving and pushing us back. This is because there are some people who will take advantage of the non-confrontational folks. Essentially these people are bullies. Add to this, that many of the concert goers are drinking.

I had an opportunity to experience two situations which I had not seen before regarding bullies. The first was a bully who did not know what to do when the agresse ( I am not sure that is a word) didn’t want to fight back.

This bully was pushing through the crowd while targeting the less imposing people. He ended up behind me pushing a smaller guy. I turned around to make sure my wife and I were not going to be pushed around. I saw something very interesting when I turned around. The bully was looking for any reason to escalate the confrontation so he could scare the smaller guy. As soon as the smaller guy verbally confronted the bully, the bully started pushing and acting like he wanted to fight. The smaller guy immediately put both his hands in the air (like someone was pointing a gun at him) and the bully became flustered. I thought that was the most interesting way to diffuse the fight. At that point the bully stopped pushing the guy around (though the bully kept running his mouth).

There was also another guy who was standing next to me and my wife. He looked like he could hold himself in a fight. He politely turned around told the bully to cut it out. Immediately the bully stopped what he was doing.

It was interesting to see this all happen. He was looking for an excuse to push a weaker person around but unwilling to tangle with someone a bit more imposing.

In the second situation there was another bully who started pushing through the crowd. When I saw him he was asking the guys to the left of me if he could get in front of them. There was no room for him there without pushing others back. The guys to the left of me said “no” and the bully lowered his shoulder and pushed through them anyway. You could tell they were upset but wanted to focus on enjoying the concert so they let it go. After he pushed through those guys, he ended up in front of my wife. She told him she could not see over him so he let her in front of him. The bully was now between my wife and I. He looked back and asked if it was okay and I let it go. About 5 minutes after he was in front of me his friends showed up and he started letting them in front of him. This pissed me off since it would put more people between my wife and I. I confronted him on this and told him that he was separating me and my wife and that he was being an asshole. I was not going to resort to fists, but I wanted to yell a bit. The interesting thing is that he kept yelling “don’t beat me up”. It seemed like he was doing this to make me look like the aggressor in the situation so he did not get kicked out of the concert.

In both of these situations the bullies stopped when they were confronted by someone who could potentially cause them problems.